Up and down

 The tormenting heat
lately is shrinking us. The headache was so profuse as if the skull is about to
explode. A single move is enough to bring sweat. Living through seconds and
minutes has been a struggle, pathetically speaking. And who is to be berated
for all these?

The alarming signal of
global warming has once again approached us and analysts warned that this could
be the last warning before a catastrophe landed on us, leaving us behind a
ground of death where not even a single force or help is capable of dealing
with it. Before this, we were overwhelmed with unpredictable pattern of
rainfall. The sunlight in the early morning was so severe that it penetrated
deep into every single cell in our body and almost burned it into ashes. The
sudden torrential rainfall in the evening happened just like that without a
single thunder or at least some dark clouds to be seen at the end of our
eyesight left us feeling helpless and vulnerable as to thing can change that
rapid when we were unprepared and unaided with least solutions.

Despite the apparent
indications and constant warning from all direction, explicitly telling us the
enormous change in ecology and climate, it seems to have not elicited
sufficient of awareness and attention from us. The drought will continue. The
groaning voices within farmers will grow louder as the farmlands become
desolated. Our thirst for water intensifies. The fight over food production
continues. The population struggling for survival will only increase and never
reduced. But the size of land will always remain the same. It shrinks but not
enlarged, which means when it reaches the max and can no longer support an
extra dimension, human are forced to leave. Diminution is simply the ultimate solution
for insufficient resource to meet the immense needs.

Malaysians are
fortunate to sustain life without interruption of water and food supply. It is
also essentially the factor of our ignorant attitude towards the changing
environment and ecology. Open burnings are still seen on streets. Irresponsible
offenders are easily escaped from legal punishment over what massive
destruction had they done to the environment shared by us. Technology continues
to advance and more weapons and missiles are invented regardless of its
consequence to human and surrounding. Selfishness and obliviousness towards
finding solutions eventually kill us. The next Darfur is never too far if we still allow our own benefits and self-interest to
conquer our mind.

As a saying goes, a
change starts from a minor action. A minor action from everyone integrates and
becomes a louder voice capable of at least initiating another larger action,
more influentially. Can’t take a single action? At least get serious and
concerned on the change as you’re a part of the affected one as well.

Look up to the sky and
hope for rainfall. But it’s too late when the rains finally falls but too much
of sacrifices have been made.

Who are the real psychotic?

Well, what can I say to this country now? The government seems to have become more and more worried realising the independent online media and bloggers are drawing more attention and amplifying their volumes down the road now. The government is getting more aggressive and ‘vigorous’ now in interrupting the news production by these rights and humanity activists, who continuously and frequently lambaste on government’s unfair actions. It’s even more pathetic and sarcastic when the government seems unable to stand with the heavy critics from bloggers, that the Tourism Minister Tengku Adnan uttered such an unforgivable and unwise statement, accusing 80 percent of these bloggers are unemployed women who are liars, cheat people and a threat to national unity. More irritating, this was made on International Women’s Day. It makes those who came across this statement horribly sick and nauseating when the ‘accused’ spun his word at the National Press Club Press Conference after he realised the consequence of his words, that he ‘loved’ all the women in this country. “I love my mother, my grandmother… without them, where were we today?” Oh, shut up before I spat the residues out from my stomach! Err, so gross the bugger!

Very unfortunately, not all the mainstream newspapers dared to report on what this fella has said, probably for fear of penalisation, except for a reporter from Sin Chew Daily. As a matter of fact, in this country, when you try to tell the citizens truthful news, the aftermath is that you are either a threat to the country or a big fat liar who manipulates people. You make noise, you eat your own bitter fruit; you behave, you’re safe from custody. No matter what, there are always a group of people out there in this country who are never exhausted in digging the real facts to people in order to create a wider awareness among the people who have been very much following only news from the mainstream channels. While they practice their rights of freedom of speech and expression, they do not go all out for mere enjoyment or with the intention of aggravating anger in people. But what really drives them is the duty to report facts as faithfully and truthfully as possible to the public, to tell them what has gone wrong, to provide alternative source of information that the mainstream channels never touch on. So you see a problem here?

I remembered when I was in my internship in an English tabloid early last year, one of the sub-editor told me these groups of people (rights activist, especially the opposition party) are just psychotic and act insanely, therefore do not deserve any free publication in the mainstream media. Apparently, he was referring to the Parti Keadilan Rakyat’s (PKR) Information Chief Tian Chua who always speaks on behalf of the residents who couldn’t find way to air their voices. But pathetically speaking, he is treated as a mad person and he said he lost counts of his detention under the ISA. To him, detention never stops him from continue serving the public’s right to truth. “As we survive detention, we survive everything. You must have to courage to face arrestment.” Perhaps not all can really take this. Different people, different interpretation.

I came across an article written by another b****r from Internal Security Ministry which I find contradictory. He argued those media that play a role to inform the public to uphold to the principles and ethics of journalism and to provide only facts based on substantial and proved evidences. In other words, he warned the media not to publish any issues from the cyber media and blogs which seem to be baseless and speculative, which are very likely to mislead the public. But how can the Ministry reminded the media practitioners to uphold to principles of journalism when you are being contradictory to yourself and never provides any leeway for them to practice the Canons? On one side, you urge the journalists to report facts accurately and respect the public’s right to truth, which are the fundamentals of the Canons, but on the other side, you’re luring them to report only news that are favourable to you without triggering any issues on conflicts of interests to reduce your harms. So please check back on what you’ve said and compare with what’ve done before you tell the journalists what to do. They know way better than you as not all of them are liars.

But one thing undeniable, as long as the cyber media, bloggers or whatever activists they are, continue to act as a regular guardian on government’s action, the government will surely continue with struggle all the way with them. But remember, people are never shadowed by your propaganda tool or your hanky-panky behaviour forever. Besides, the cyberspace ensures free flow of information where you just can’t stop people from seeing and reading. So, at the end of the day, whatever your effort invested, it’s going to be no avail. People will speak up eventually till you allow sufficient leeway of expression in this country that you coined democratic and enjoy freedom of speech.

1057am, signing off.

May the euphony stay

In a lonely world
Neither will you be
fearful nor feel helpless
For this lovely voice
always warms the cockles of your heart
Deep inside it

When you are puzzled…
The sophistication of
life that you could never understand better of
You find calm within
the melodiousness
That flows in your
blood
And every single
breath you take
Then you find your
another breath again
Fresh and re-charged

When you wonder…
Why could no one
understand your feeling
It no longer matters
you
As they do not have to
no more
In your heart, you
know you’ve found your second self
From the sweetness of
voice within

It speaks for your
heart, your thoughts
Far better than anyone
else
As you indulge utterly
into the tuneful atmosphere
It may be exhilarating,
it may be gloomy
Whatsoever…
You found the sheer
second companionship
As it lies silently in
you
Listen to your every
grumble and unease

Your tears drop,
unstoppable
Not because you’re
upset
But the relief and
peace you find
Once again…
And life still goes on
But with different
apprehension

May the euphony stays.

Thinking
about the future and the approaching time where I’m gonna really face the
reality out there, it sometimes really scares me off. But come what may, I know
I still have to face whatever things that comes to me in the end. The fear and
worries that stayed in the mind make me sick and uncomfortable. I could feel as
if a really giant wave is coming at its bull blast towards me, so tremendous
that I can’t take it and I was swept away, leaving me so helplessly in the
middle of the ocean. And one thing I know, I can only survive with strong
determination and perseverance or I drown. A twenty-one-and-a-half year of life
is of course, never enough to say that you’ve been living through whatever kind
of hardship or the bottlenecks of life. It’s just a beginning of life where
many challenging and risky experiences are awaiting you to explore. But,
sometimes, what you experienced before that, or something that left an unhappy
scar in you made you feel very unsecured and you tend to build a wall in
yourself so that you do not cross over the ‘battlefield’ of life. How nice it
is if we could only do things that we really enjoy doing. But, sometimes there
are certain circumstances where you have no choice but to just do it no matter
how unhappy or reluctant you are, agree with me? You might wonder why and feel
obscured. “Just leave it if you’re not happy to do it!” Perhaps you’ll doubt it
when you realise you’re bearing certain responsibility that you can’t just
simply leave it though you feel so. After all, you can’t expect life to turn
out to be the way you want all the times. When things turn the otherwise, you
have to stand with it no matter what, face it and accept it. There’s nothing
you can change!

I’m
grateful to get to know a group of new friends (I can assure you of this but do
not ask me why) who make me believe that there are still people who befriend
you for no reason, but simply out of their sincerity. People, can be of many
types. The hypocritical one freaks you out. Those with intention behind make
you feel uncomfortable. And you’ll realise that to find an all-weather friend
is a hard one. But thankfully, I have a few in my life which I’m really
grateful of. Sincerity indeed makes your life a wonderful one. But in the real
world, you may say it’s your foe as it gets you nowhere. Sometimes, you wish
you can really treat someone sincerely but in the end, you’re the one who
suffer when your sincerity and kindness are being turned down. And you start to
ponder what kind of attitude should you hold or should you have changed
yourself in order to survive in the society, and also to protect yourself from
betrayal and cruel attack. A friend used to tell me, this is the reality that
you have to accept and not question. Of course! But occasionally, you may slow
down your step and turn your head back to think again what have you done and
why do you have to act in such a way though it’s not what you actually want.
But then I know, there is still a place where you can really lay aside the
entire disturbance in your head and get involve in every activities without any
pressure and worries. It’s another beautiful world I find, and I hope it will
not disappear in my life. It’s another place where I find peace in my mind, I
find relief in myself and I deep down enjoy every minutes spent there. You feel
so at ease and comfortable in the zone. Everyone speaks from their heart. They
work together selflessly. They are much more than willing to share their life
with you, be it the ugly or beautiful one. It’s different from the outside
world where you have to always be cautious of everyone who may probably stab
you from behind without you realizing it. Sometimes you may just feel so tired
and sick with all these. You hope you can see through what’s actually in that
person’s heart. Perhaps the time will speak for that. Maybe by the time you
find out, there were just too many scars left behind you. Just treat it as a
lesson then. When there’s no thunderstorm and rain, where would the rainbow
come from? Simply put, no pain no gain.

Sometimes,
there are just people who don’t seem to understand you at all and you find it
very difficult to enter into their world. They have their different mindset,
which you find it against what you think. Their mottos of life are different
from yours. They are pursuing things that you don’t really need at all. When
they try to impose their beliefs or values on you, it’s the time to test your
own belief and whether you yourself are shakable by others. Always be the
master of yourself. Know what you want and hold to your own principles despite
any influences around you, only then you can lead your own life and not under
the shadow of others.

I’ve
been thinking a lot of things lately and it got my brain stuck. I’m approaching
a crossroad in my life where I need to make a lot of decisions. It’s especially
hard when you cannot foresee the road ahead you as it starts to bend to
nowhere. It’s a part of our lives. Once you make the decision, just live
through it and do not blame or regret for any outcome you face. Frankly, the
result is after all not an overriding issue but truly, the process of learning
in between counts more than anything else because it makes you grow throughout
whatever difficulties you face. And one day, when you realise you have
eventually tided over all the climax in life, no words can describe the
achievement you’ve gained though it may be a very minor one.

With the next general election approximately one year away, you would probably ask how has the government led the country to a betterment. The Prime Minister once promised the nation zero-corruption, his very first promise the moment he stepped into the position few years back. He promised to flourish the economy, to enhance the development of multimedia corridor, to give a better life to all citizens and so forth. But look, what has the government done so far? The petrol price keeps increasing, the water tariff increases too, the toll rate increase, everything increases but the quality of life, unquestionably, does it ever increase? Apparently, there has been not much changes, except for a group of ‘mad cows’, whom don’t know where and how the virus starts spreading in every inch of their organs and skin, started to show some kind of ‘disastrous’ abnormal symptoms. When the head cows go mad, the rest, similarly, goes mad. They follow whatever the leader does, regardless of how moronic it is. If he brandishes the ‘keris’, so shall I, as a way of showing my loyalty to him, to my race, to the party, to all people who share the same colour as mine, to everyone who dares to challenge our privilege. Oh, does it really show?

I came across a very decent yet sarcastic way of describing these people.
RPK wrote that:
"The tendency to blindly follow the leader and stampede for no apparent
reason is known as herd mentality, which is basically a state of
madness. Just because the head cow goes mad, all others follow suit and
go mad as well without really knowing why — other than since the boss
has gone mad then all must also go mad. The English do not quite have a
name for it yet so they have borrowed the Malay word, amok, to describe
this idiosyncrasy, as somehow only Malays have this tendency to amok or
stampede."

"…mad cows can reduce humans to the level of mad cows if the infected
cows are not quickly exterminated — although humans have been known to
act like mad cows during annual general assemblies even without coming
into contact with mad cows. There are no scientific findings yet as to
whether all humans can get affected by mad cow disease or just those
who display herd mentality tendencies."

Please tell me what has gone wrong in this country? Was the leadership to be blamed for all these? I wonder how would these five years be if Dr M was to remain. I’m not trying to say the current one has done nothing to cope with the left-over, but it’s just not good enough, perhaps so. Instead of focusing on issues that should really be paid attention of, ‘these people’ know only one thing- "I’m gonna bang on the table as loud as I can… I’m gonna brandish the symbolic keris as high as I can… I’m gonna bath in blood if you ever asked me to…" Maybe by the time the economic crisis strikes the country again, the loud bang or the weapon will just ’shiuh’ away the crisis.

Certain unnecessary things happen in this country with the aim of distracting somebody’s eyes on affairs that should be given higher priority. The non-brown skin colour races is now their new target, so to speak. Whoever block their ways to becoming the ruler, they shall die out! And if you really think the innocently killed Mongolian lady was having an affair with the politician, you (so as me) have no idea how ‘dirty’ politics can be if you were to find out the truth. The mainstream media, disappointed to speak, never tell the truth. The two polices, whether they blew the lady off or not, can’t just run away from the destiny to be hang. They may be a very tame horse in front of you that appears to be so innocent and loyal. But as they turn behind you, huhhmmm, you can never imagine the shenanigans.

Again, back to the title, this piece is merely written to speak the author’s mind without any intentional purpose and damage.

It is never that bold and true…
Ethnic tension
Non-stop conflicts between our respectable and wise men
Somewhat provincial young leaders simply uttering words without even bordering the consequences
People still living in their bed of roses without realising what’s really going on out there
Outsiders are flourishing while we still fighting over pointless and cannot-be-more-trivial matters
Groups still depending tremendously on sticks in fear of loosing it
Never-to-learn attitude that is so dead and never-be-forgiven
People who only boost around and the words always speak louder than actions
What’s more, politics that no ordinary citizen can ever understand
Tricks are concealed, zero-transparency exists, what’s more, dressed up ‘truths’
Lackadaisical publics officials who never admit their irresponsibility and deliquency
Citizens are pulling socks to a better life, but stunted by circumstances that seems to never improve
Hopes are never materialised
Instead, more hopes more disappointment
2020 is approaching speedily yet people are still in slow-motion and hold on to take-it-easy-man attitude
Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh
Reading newspaper everyday and you get nothing better but more distorted pictures and things getting more messed-up
Do not wonder if this lies under the Plan
One voice is never strong enough to call for development and prosperity
Solidarity and cohesiveness are of priority

Chaos chaos chaos…
Keep on fighting and let the pathetically powerless innocent civiliants crying over the spoilt milks helplessly
Is there any better tomorrow?
Believing the louder you bang on the table, the more authority and support you gain
Rising petty issues to deliberately topple leaders or shake their will when they feel insecure
Making baseless claims and keep manipulating his so-called faithfull respective community members
The done is done, but what else can be done when people never even bother to make a slight progress
People are laughing behind sarcastically over the foolishness
Time not wasted please
Stay right where you are now and should blame no one for the future-to-come!
Sigh sigh sigh…